


Take My Hand - - Take My Whole Heart, Too

by Tsunamiii



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: 'if you hard you hard', Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blind Character, Blindfolds, Blindness, Car Accidents, Caring, FGKDJXFBNFDGB OKAY SO, M/M, Masturbation in Shower, Soriku - Freeform, Tenderness, This is a, adoration, and if they fuck they fuck, and it's basically like, and it's very hard for them both bc it's raw and shit like, as they say, i dont make the rules - - we'll see, it happened a week ago, oof my babies, rating will be updated based on my feelings, riku got into a car crash and fucked up his sight, so he's blind and sora's taking care of him
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:42:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21603925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsunamiii/pseuds/Tsunamiii
Summary: When Riku's in a horrible accident, he has no one to turn to except his best friend Sora. Things are hard at first. It's a steep learning curve for both of them, but they'll fall into a pattern eventually - - Things will take a turn for the better. He might not be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but there certainly is one and Sora most definitely sees it.
Relationships: Riku/Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 37





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> okay so !! i really hope y'all like this - - i know i say that all the time I JUST i get so worried that my writing is not the best and that i dont capture the character's personalities all that well ??? but yeah this was a spur of the moment thing - - it's funny, this is the second kind of soft fic i've written in the past two days that isn't porn...........hm.........ANYWAY idk why i always write this stuff at 3 in the morning bc my eyes get all blurry and my eyelids start aching and shit UGH - - it's 5:30 rn and im just so exhausted - - hope y'all enjoy ! it'll be multiple chapters !!! and sorry for the tone change in the middle of it - - he's having a flashback and such !!!

“I don’t like this.” The protesting sentence stopped Sora dead in his tracks. A sigh puffed out through his now parted lips as he slowly shook his head, about to respond; however, he was cut off before he could. “This isn’t - - “ He was growing irritated, “I...Having you - - “ a deep huff, “Whatever, fuck it.” The brunette’s jaw flexed at the curse, hating it when he heard his friend mumble one out.

How long had it been since the accident? A week? It had been a horrible ordeal for everyone involved and Riku was only just now able to start walking again. He’d made a miraculous recovery in that department, but he was still unlucky in spite of that. Irreparable damage to his eyes left him permanently blind. 

Those were the stone-cold facts.

He remembered waking up in the hospital, eyelids slipping open, groggy and confused as to why it was still dark. At first, he thought the lights were off. He blinked a few times, shook his head and looked around slowly to find a door so he could see a sliver of light under it. But a nurse speaking to the doctor quickly made him realize that he couldn’t see a thing. He’d reached out for something, anything to grab onto, his breathing picking up. The freezing metal rails of the gurney he laid upon seeped into his palm as he latched onto it, spreading the iciness through his arm and into his body. He’d immediately felt afraid and lonely - - So cold and isolated. “Sir. You have to lay down.” The nurse’s stern, but gentle, voice sounded muffled. Thankfully his hearing would come back after a few days, but at that moment, they’d been damaged as well.

Riku was absolutely terrified. Fear quickly gripped his form.

“N-no - - No, what - - What the hell happened!?” His voice was hoarse but growing louder by the second. The monitor next to him began beeping erratically as his heartbeat picked up. “I - - I have - - What - - “ He was at a loss for words, shaking his head and struggling with the covers in order to get out...But they felt numb. Like when someone’s limbs fall asleep - - He could move them slightly and wiggle his toes, but they were useless in every sense of the word. Riku remembered feeling hot tears roll down his cheeks as nurses continued to talk to him. “Leave - - Leave me the fuck alone! Don’t look at me! Do-don’t talk to-- To me! Le-leave - - “ He couldn’t speak. His voice was caught in his aching throat. He recalled leaning forward and hanging his head down, wishing with all his might that he could just have some answers. “St-stop - - Fucking - - “ He wasn’t one to have a particularly foul mouth, but when he was backed into a corner or angry, he turned into a sailor.

An almost soothing female voice reached his ears - - Though his fear was at a boiling point, for some reason her words broke through it. “I understand you’re scared, Riku.” How did she know his name already? “But please let us do our jobs. Is there anything I can do to make this situation a little bit better for you?” He was still absolutely terrified and wanted to direct his unfathomable rage at her, but the little bit of control he had left finally calmed him down to some degree. In an instant, the droplets of tears turned into a flowing stream as he felt just a tiny bit of comfort by her words.

Riku wanted a hug - - That’s what would make this horrible situation a little bit better. He wanted to feel someone else’s warmth against him - - But instead, he was in a cold hospital room with flimsy sheets and an uncomfortable bed. The constant reminder in that moment that everything was falling apart caused him to start hyperventilating, fingers twitching as his whole form shook. The anger left him and was quickly filled in by absolute, heart-wrenching sadness. He hated showing any sort of weakness in front of anyone, but at this point, he didn’t give a shit. “Ju-ju-just - - Do - - D-do what yo-you have - - Have t-to do.” His words were barely understandable as he sat there quivering like a wet dog. The nurse’s soft hand alighted itself on his shoulder, comforting him and causing him to bury his face into his hands, sobbing softly.

He had felt so out of character - - So weak. He was supposed to be a rock through situations like this and, instead, he was a mess.

Flashing back to Riku’s irritated protests, he was now being led through the hallway in his apartment building. His best friend was next to him, gently tugging at his wrist and giving him a place to lean his weight on. Riku refused to lock hands with him - - It was only something that people in relationships did in his eyes. Even when he was a child he hated having his mother hold his hand as they did things together. Sure, a handshake and minimal touching were fine, but if fingers were interlaced for more than two seconds, he was sure to twist his arm away. “Let - - Just let go, Sora!” He pulled away, the bag of groceries in his other hand tumbled to the ground and spread their contents along the shaggy carpet. Thankfully there weren’t any liquids.

“Riku--” He started to speak, immediately getting on his knees in order to gather the things up. “--Please. I need to help you.” His voice was kind and soft, filled with the care that no other human being showed him in years. Sora would be by his pal’s side no matter what. Although he had been quite angry for the past week, an understanding friend such as himself knew that it was because of the accident - - He knew it wouldn’t be permanent and he would hold out forever if that’s what it took. “We’re almost there - - Would you like to guide yourself with the wall instead?”

Almost like a child that immediately regretted their decision, the silver-haired man fell silent, eyes closed as he held back tears. He hated feeling useless like this - - Having people help him. Having people take care of him like he couldn’t do it himself. “...No.” Riku breathed out shakily. They quickly went back into their previous position, Sora leading him into his apartment.

As soon as the door opened, they parted ways, the brunette grabbing the bag from his friend’s hand and speeding off towards the kitchen. At that point, Riku was familiar with the layout of his apartment and could navigate through it without help; albeit a little slowly. “I’ll start dinner in an hour, okay? Just lie down on the couch.” When he heard about the accident, Sora all but dropped every last thing he was doing. He moved in with the other male and temporarily set up shop in his living room; only the basics had been taken with him. Someone had to be here and he was going to make sure it was him.

“Okay.” His voice was soft, a stark difference from the hostile form it had taken just moments ago. 

“I’ll bring some water over to you, just let me put these things away.” As Sora began sorting things into piles, he noticed out of the corner of his eye that Riku was meandering along towards the living room, feet shuffling along the hardwood floor. It was easier to do it that way and cut down on the likelihood of him misstepping and falling.

The couch felt absolutely heavenly after their long day. It was physical therapy, then counseling, then grocery shopping, and, finally, home - - It wouldn’t have felt so tedious if he wasn’t slow as a turtle with doing everything. But who had been by his side the whole time, guiding him and making things easier for him? The one person that was there for the past week; Sora. “...I’m hungry. Can you - - “ No, he could get it himself.

Standing up, he felt a little wobbly, but the pull of his stomach directed him back into the kitchen. Sora saw this and immediately stopped what he was doing, moving over to him in order to stop him from going any further. “Hey, no - - What did I tell you to do? Go lie down and rest.”

“No.” What a stubborn bull of a man.

“Yes - - Now go, shoo.” Riku was unfazed by the gentle nudges against his arm. Instead, he started feeling around for the cabinets above him, fingers curling around a knob and yanking it open. “What, you want a snack? You could’a asked me, y’know!” He was trying to bring a little humor into their days by speaking with a happier tone and that was a small example of what he was attempting to do - - After all, the accident and what came after was quite serious and all personality seemed to be sucked out of the both of them. Instead, it had been raw emotions, devoid of anything that would make it lighter and easier on them.

Riku’s hand grabbed onto what felt like a snack bar. As he pulled it out, a few other items came tumbling forth, smacking him multiple times in the face. He stumbled back and hit the marble island, clenching his teeth in pain and hissing. “Fuck!” A pit of anger welled into the man’s throat and Sora was quick to begin damage control, whipping in and making sure his pal was alright first. He tried not to start the blame game - - It would only make Riku mad and he didn’t want to upset him further.

“Please, please go to the couch. I’ll fix dinner now instead of later, okay? Just pretty please rest.” Dammit, why did Sora have to be so calm and collected - - Why did his voice have to be so soothing...Why couldn’t Riku just let his frustrations out on him without feeling like he’d kicked a puppy? He hated channeling all of his negative feelings into his friend - - It wasn’t right. He was only trying to help, after all, and how was he being repaid? With periodic episodes of anger that were unprovoked. It was a wonder Sora didn’t leave him - - But their bond was the most reliable thing in the world for the both of them - - And that was explanation enough.

Why was their connection feeling less friendly, though, and more...Something else?

No. No time to discuss that or think about it - - He had to go back to the couch, the pain in his back causing him to forget about being hungry temporarily. “Fine…”

And as soon as his rear hit that plush cushion, he reclined back and let out a sigh.

“I’m going to take a nap, Sora...Wake me up when you’re done.” He closed his eyes, which was a meaningless act at that point since everything was already dark, and rolled over. Riku wiggled forth until his face was pressed into the back of the couch, not realizing he didn’t receive a reply from his friend.

Sora finally put everything back into the cabinet and peeked into the living room, brows furrowed. “Sleep well…” He muttered, feeling a soft pang in his heart. He hated seeing Riku like this...He had to come up with a plan to make him feel better - - To cheer him up.

So, while he turned the burners on, Sora began thinking about ideas that might do just that - - But his thoughts delved into dangerous territory...Images of what might make him feel better were beginning to get quite...Detailed.

He had to focus on cooking, now - - That had been a mistake, thinking of things like that...


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote almost all of this last night but i was SO DAMN EXHAUSTED !!! i figured i would come back to it today - - hope y'all like it !!

The scent of delicious food wafting through the apartment woke Riku up from his gentle slumber. Taking naps had always been a nice past-time for him - - It would clear his head for a few hours and make it a little easier to concentrate on important tasks that would otherwise lull him into an impromptu nap. They still served that purpose, but lately, he wasn’t looking forward to waking up. It wasn’t survivor’s guilt ( like he wished he would never wake up ) or anything like that; his legs, though healed as they may be, ached to high heaven when he was horizontal for too long. He’d gotten into the habit of eating Tylenol like candy, not wanting to get hooked on strong pain medication. He knew he had an addictive personality and he’d be more prone to getting attached to certain pleasures.

Sitting up, he hissed audibly, pain radiating from his lower back and thighs. “So-Sora - - “ He choked out, gripping the back of the couch tightly. “ - - Pi-pills - - Please - - “ With a clatter, the spatula that was in his hands dropped to the counter. Sora was already digging into a drawer and pulling out the bottle. He snatched two of the capsules and hurried into the living room. It was the same song and dance every time he would wake up and the brunette was almost always prepared.

“Here!” He exclaimed, brows furrowing as he took Riku’s hand by the wrist, guiding it to his own so he could drop the pills into his open palm. Tilting his head back and plopping them into his mouth, he wasn’t scared of choking, immediately swallowing them down. The effect wouldn’t take hold right away, so he was still a pain-riddled mess. This much was clearly indicated by his scrunched up face. “Need me to massage your legs again?” That...Sounded heavenly.

“Ye-ye - - No, no. G-go finish coo-cooking, please.” He turned away from Sora, sniffing in the wonderful scent of food. It eased his soul a little and gave him something to distract himself from the aching throbbing in his body. Reluctantly, the brunette stood from his kneeling position before making his way back to the kitchen. As he stood there stirring up some vegetable soup, his mind raced - - He couldn’t just not help like that! But he didn’t want to upset Riku in the long run. The inner turmoil he was experiencing caused him to feel a little down, sadness sagging his heart into his stomach. 

Then, a sudden thought popped into his head - - A heating blanket! That would be the perfect gift for him! The soothing warmth emanating from a comfortable little blanket would surely quash any pain he might experience when waking up! Sure, it would be a bit toasty and Riku might have to sleep with...Fewer clothes on, but the benefits would certainly outweigh the cons on this one! Sora was absolutely joyful now, his heart returning to its rightful place and filling him to the brim with excitement. His friend would love the present, it would help him feel better, and such a nice gesture would bring his hopes up! The thought of seeing Riku smile for the first time in forever would bring the brunette happiness that rivaled anything he’d ever felt before.

That was something he longed for - - To see his friend happy once more. The past week had felt like an eternity for both of them. For the first few days that they were in the hospital, Sora would pull up his chair, resting his head at the base of the other’s bed. He would stare up at Riku’s face and, although most people had a neutral ( or even slightly happy ) face while they slept, a sad look was most prevalent on his features. His’ brows would be furrowed and a frown tugged his lips downward. It hurt Sora’s heart - - He couldn’t do anything to make him better. He could only stare and hope that his friend would make a quick recovery.

So, the idea to get a heating blanket might have seemed trivial to other people, but to him, it was the best idea he had come up with in forever.

The only thing in Riku’s mind, however, was pain and the scent of food. He couldn’t focus on something visually to take his mind off of things - - No, he was trapped in darkness with only his mind to conjure up images of past experiences. There was no more staring longingly out the window at buildings shrouded in mist - - There would be no more observing the pigeons on his balcony - - There would be no more reading books or watching movies. These negative thoughts, though dangerous on their own, were quite horrible when nothing could distract him - - When he was locked inside of his mind, unable to escape.

“Dinner’s ready!”

Sora’s voice quickly snapped him from those thoughts - - It was nice to hear something that brought him some semblance of happiness. The other’s manner of speaking did just that. When he spoke, images of that grinning face would float inside of the otherwise dark world he was in. Happiness incarnate for the most part - - Except for when serious times fell upon them. The accident really heightened Riku’s perception of changing tones. He was already quite skilled in detecting them, but now it was bumped up a notch and, when he felt Sora’s words being filled with sadness, it showed in the imaginary faces that flittered in his mind.

The pain that it brought rivaled the pain from his accident.

Within moments, a warm bowl of soup was being placed into Riku’s outstretched hands. “I can feed you if--”

“Absolutely not.”

“But, Riku - - It’s hot and I don’t want you to burn yourself.”

“I can feed myself. I don’t need help.” He already relied on Sora with a lot of things and he would not be forced to get help when it came to eating. “Just...I’m fine, leave me be. I can eat.” Although he couldn’t see it, his friend’s expression was filled to the brim with hurt. He only wanted to help after all…But if Riku insisted.

“Hey, uhm - - I’m going to turn on the television. Is there anything you want to wa-- Er, listen to?” He received a shaken head in response. “Okay, I’ll just...Put on Jeopardy! We can answer questions together!” That seemed like a good idea - - Trebek always read out the questions, so Riku could definitely play along.

While Sora looked for the right channel, every bit of concentration from the silver-haired man was being put into getting a spoonful of soup into his mouth. He thought of many ways to do this, but each one would result in him spilling a little on himself - - Unless…

Taking the whole bowl, he lifted it up towards his mouth, using the spoon to carry it a short distance to his awaiting lips. A success! He inwardly sighed with relief, absolutely ecstatic that he’d found a way to do it easily without hurting himself. As soon as he had made that revelation, the classic sounds of Jeopardy filled the room. Riku was now eating at a slow, steady pace - - Sora, however, wasn’t. He had his eyes glued onto his friend, staring him down and making sure each drop of soup was going into his mouth. Even when Alex started rambling off questions, he didn’t pay attention. He watched like a hawk, his only concern being that Riku was doing fine by himself.

Sora eventually caught himself and shook his head a little, blinking rapidly before glancing down at his own bowl. He began to dig in but also kept a close eye on his friend out of the corner of his eye.

“Moscow!” The brunette practically jumped ten feet in the air, not expecting Riku to chime in and answer one of the questions. “That one was easy.” He glanced over, hoping to see a little quirk of a smile - - Alas nothing but the glisten of soup on his bottom lip. Darn.

Towards the end of their meal, the show was wrapping up, the final question theme dinging through the apartment. Sora bobbed his head in time with the beat, smiling happily - - And Riku could see it with his mind’s eye. How many times had they watched this show? His friend was quite predictable and would no doubt be dancing a little. 

“Want some more?”

“No, I’m fine - - Thanks for cooking.” The pain had finally subsided all of the way. He was honestly grateful for Sora - - If it weren’t for him…

Hot tears welled into his eyes, but he glanced away so that the other male wouldn’t see them. He didn’t feel like being asked a million questions about ‘what’s wrong?’ and stuff like that. He appreciated the concern, but it would only serve to make him sadder.

“Of course! You know I’ll always be around - - Forever and ever!” It sounded cliche, but he honest to God meant it.

He wasn’t going anywhere.

“Hey, Riku - - We should do something tomorrow.” It was their only one off after all.

“Hm...Like what?”

“Well - - I’m not sure...I wanted to back out to get some more groceries since we’d only gotten the basics tonight. And, well...I wanted to get something else! It’s a secret, though.” This piqued Riku’s interest and his eyebrows raised.

“Then we’ll go shopping tomorrow.”

“Heck yes! Deal - - Now, let’s get all cleaned up and ready for bed.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are a little NSFW at this point. I'm going to mark it as Mature since I don't go into TOO much detail ?? It's more of a character-building...thing...instead of just pure smut, I guess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO i wasn't planning on having him sad jack it in the shower BUT here we are LMAO - - like i said, it's not supposed to be shameless smut ( like 'grip it firmly's masturbation scene was ) it's supposed to be a bridgeway into..........something, idk what but LOL enjoy it nonetheless !!!! sad shower jackin here we go

“Alright, you’re standing in the tub - - The rest is up to you. I’ve got your PJs sitting on the toilet seat and a towel on top of the toilet. Remember, the bar of soap is on that little ledge in the middle and your hair products are on the right side of the shower near the spout.” Sora was beginning to sound like an overprotective parent sending their neurotic kid off to a week-long camp. “I think that’s all...If you need anything else, just holler!” The sound of a closing door signaled to Riku that he could begin undressing. Taking in a soft inhale of air, he felt like he could finally breathe - - Being smothered wasn’t exactly something he wanted to partake in regularly, though he did enjoy being cared for...How long had he been so independent, not letting a single soul cater to his needs? He’d always had the mindset that he could do things by himself; that didn’t change even after the accident. But, after days of screwing everything up, he finally allowed himself to be taken care of, realizing that he would die if he didn’t.

Showering hadn’t been too much of a chore since he went blind, though there was a slight learning curve. The only thing that made it a little tricky was the fact that he could very easily slip and fall. He’d caught himself numerous times having to hold onto the metal railings in his shower. That and making sure his clothes weren’t inside out or backwards, but that was less dangerous than the aforementioned slips.

As Riku stripped, he tossed the articles of clothing over his now closed shower curtain, not really knowing where they would fall and, honestly, not entirely caring for the most part. It could be a mess in that bathroom and who would see it? Certainly not him! Maybe Sora, but he knew that the brunette wouldn’t mind picking it up. However, now that he thought about it, that was kind of selfish of him to just assume his friend would be cool with cleaning up after him.

Sora…

Swallowing thickly, Riku shook his head, hoping that it would act like an etch-n-sketch and clear the visions of him from his mind. He then leaned down, right hand searching for the knobs to the shower but only feeling cold tile under his fingertips. He was beginning to grow frustrated, brows furrowing until he finally found one and turned it - - A loud gush of water below him sprayed forth, getting his feet wet. He stepped back a little, not enjoying the initial coldness of it all.

As he waited for it to warm up, he continued to think about Sora, his heart fluttering slightly in his chest. Again, he shook his head and, without thinking, reached down to pop the stopper so that the showerhead would turn on. Freezing cold water unleashed above him, drenching him and chilling his form to the bone. Riku stumbled back and slammed into the wall with a loud, “Son of a bitch!” to which Sora almost immediately responded back.

“Ar-are you okay!?” He questioned, ear pressed against the crack of the door so he could hear more clearly.

Sputtering, Riku blindly groped his way back to the front of the shower, twisting the left knob so that warm water would come out instead. “Yeah, I-I’m fine...Forgot which one was which - - Sorry.” At that, Sora’s worry went away and he had to cover his mouth to refrain from laughing.

Riku stood under the now soothing warmth of water, letting it soak his body. His heartbeat had picked up because of the excitement, but thanks to it all dying down, it could finally return to normal. Once again, he only had himself, this dark void, and the sound of water to accompany him.

And visions of Sora.

His heartbeat began to pick up once more - - Riku couldn’t headshake out of this one. He was forced to remember those beautiful blue eyes...His soft, brown hair…

There was a growing problem in that shower and he couldn’t ignore it. Maybe if he tried washing himself, it’d subside. So, he grabbed the bar of soap next to him ( with a little searching ) and rubbed it along his chest. It frothed and trickled down his body, the water aiding it. As he sunk lower, scrubbing at his skin, he was finding himself highly sensitive. The constant images of his friend ( God, he was only a friend! Nothing more! ) continued and, soon enough, Riku had himself in his hand, head down and palm planted firmly on the tile wall in front of him. The slickness of the soap and water made a slippery noise as he stroked along his shaft. Little jolts of pleasure, something he’d forgotten about for the last week, zipped from his groin up to his brain. Finally, something to distract himself from the hell that he was stuck in. He couldn’t help but roll his head to the side, the water hitting his cheek and running down the drain. If he thought hard enough, he could probably guess and imagine what it would feel like to be with the brunette. Slowly but surely, he was bringing himself closer to a climax, bottom lip caught between his pearly white teeth as he rolled his hips forward now. He thought about how good it would be to have himself hilted inside of Sora, staring down at-- Riku stopped suddenly, blinking his eyes uselessly.

That’s right. He wouldn’t be able to stare down and see that glorious sight. He’d...Never be able to witness it - - It’d only be a dream...A dream that would fade away eventually - - He’d forget what Sora looked like in time, he was sure of it.

So, while he still remembered, he grabbed himself again, fingers thrumming along the thickness of his shaft. The motion wasn’t full of need. It was slow and languid, sadness filling his heart. He could feel tears welling in his eyes at the thought of no one, not a single soul, wanting to be with him. He wanted so badly to lie with another person one more time - - But who would? How could he even set that up? ‘Hey, Sora, look in my phone, go to Grindr and get me a hookup, yeah?’ That was about the sleaziest thing he could think of and sleeping with Sora was /out/ of the question. He was only a friend after all...But if he was /only/ a friend, then why did he feel this way? Why was he imagining these things about him?

He was scowling now. Maybe if he finished, it’d bring him some semblance of happiness. Riku bit at his bottom lip again and tried to pour all of his concentration into finishing the job, imagining his friend on his knees...Then maybe against the counter...On the couch as well…

His breathing began to pick up, mouth opening so he could exhale out but still hold back a moan - - Sora couldn’t know. Hopefully, the slick ‘shlurping’ noises of his feverish jacking didn’t alert the brunette.

Riku was close - - So very close. His hips rolled forward even as he continued to stroke himself. He wanted to feel it. He so desperately wanted to feel the warm insides of his best friend - - To know what Sora’s voice would sound-like as he pumped in and out of him in a needy, almost primal way. He wanted to listen to the sound of his skin slapping against that wonderfully round buttocks - - Yeah, he’d glanced at it once or twice and was quite certain it’d be the perfect fit; the most wonderful feeling in his hand.

He wanted to see - - He desperately wanted to see. If he could go back in time, he would have been a little braver. If he could go back, he would’ve stared longer, soaked in more of what Sora looked like. He’d have kissed him - - Oh, God, there were so many times when he could have. There were /so many times/ when he could have just hugged him and never let go. He could’ve peppered his slightly tanned skin with smooches. He could’ve loved Sora like he deserved to be loved.

But, no - - Riku had to convince himself for the longest time that he was just best friends with the boy. Nothing more, nothing less - - He’d thought about being with him, but he couldn’t. If he had messed up, the whole friendship might’ve crumbled. So, instead of risking it all, he’d detached his love for his friend and stuffed it in a corner in his mind. Out of sight. Pandora’s box - - Never to be opened.

God, he was the stupidest son of a bitch in the world. If only...If only he would’ve just sucked it up...Now he’d lost the opportunity forever. Sora would never be with him, that’s for sure - - Who’d want a blind man as their partner? ‘You look good, baby.’ Yeah? Can’t tell!

Riku ground his teeth, continuing the motions like it was just instinct. He wasn’t putting any focus into it now. Instead, he just lazily squeezed and rubbed himself, laying his forearm on the wall in front of him and leaning forward to rest his head on it. He held back tears, but it hurt to do so. He didn’t know what to think - - What to say. All he could ask was ‘Why?’

As his stomach boiled, toiled, and brewed like the three witches' cauldron, he picked up the pace, legs shaking a little. Before long, he was lifting his head up and, with an almost too loud of a grunt, he thrust once more into his hand, squeezing the base tightly and rapidly stroking himself. Riku tried to make sure he was stable enough, knees practically knocking together as rope after rope of sticky cum spurted from his member, painting the wall in front of him white.

He stood there, panting and basking in the sweet, sweet bliss that came with releasing. Yeah, he felt a lot happier in that moment, all of his sadness and depression dissipating...But, like water evaporating and turning into a cloud, it began to rain back down - - And when it rained, it fucking poured. Riku clenched his jaw and started to weep, trying his best to keep it quiet so Sora didn’t know. His chest quivered with every inhale, his breathing becoming quite erratic. As he sniffled and snuffled, he forced himself to finish cleaning up, tears mixing with the water and disappearing down the drain.

Riku couldn’t get over this all-consuming anguish. The Tylenol was beginning to wear off, too, and his legs began to ache once more, only being dulled by the warm water. His body was hurting...His mind was hurting...His heart was hurting. The silver-haired man couldn’t escape. He couldn’t run - - He couldn’t flee.

There was nowhere to turn but the open arms of his best friend. The only true anchor in his life at that moment.

For once in his life, Riku was going to have to trust someone whole-heartedly. No more skepticism, no more pushing people away - - If he accidentally pushed Sora away, he was going to die.

Thankfully for him, there wasn’t a chance in hell of that happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sad boy hours...........poor baby

**Author's Note:**

> phew, this actually made me cry a little - - i was having a rough day, myself, so writing riku cry actually made me cry ???? and in the end i felt a lot better !!! but, yeah, you know where to find me on twitter !!!! @SplashyTsunami - - i've been trying to get into digital art, too ??? but it sucks LMAO


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